How to Become the Person You've Always Wanted to Be

About this video

Clark Kegley says watching 18 hours of 1990s home videos reminded him that a core of a person stays unchanging, and the real work is reconnecting with that core rather than changing himself. He argues people believe that core is not enough to win love, so they develop a persona — like a shop’s front window displaying only desirable traits — while pushing rejected parts into a shadow, like a back closet. He illustrates this with dating, where using lines learned from videos made him wonder if people liked him or the lines, and left him exhausted upholding a frame. He also warns against hiding behind labels, describing his childhood ADHD diagnosis, refusing to let it control him, and crediting obsession driven by it for building his YouTube channel to a million subscribers by filming, writing, designing and editing himself. He closes with three journaling questions about cringe, influences, and disowned parts, using an analogy he attributes to Brene Brown that shame and guilt grow like bacteria in a dark petri dish but cannot grow in light.

Key takeaways

• The solution is reconnecting with an unchanging core self, not trying to become someone else
• A persona is the front-window traits shown for approval; the shadow is the hidden parts believed to be unworthy of love
• Attracting people through a persona creates fear of being found out and exhaustion from upholding an image
• Ask where you cringe at yourself — cringe can signal inauthenticity or true self-expression that feels unnatural
• Ask who you are trying to be like and what part of you is not okay to be with, to expose persona sources and repressed shame

Episode details: published August 12, 2024 · 12:02 long. Summary written by Self Growth Videos from the episode itself. Business results and any income figures mentioned are Clark Kegley’s own claims, shared for education — they are not typical or guaranteed.

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