The 4 Attachment Styles Explained | What’s Yours?

About this video

Clark Kegley presents what he calls a ‘bro science guide’ to attachment theory, stressing he is not an expert, that styles often originate in childhood (which the video largely skips), and that a label is not permanent. He describes four styles using example characters. Secure attachment (Emily) is comfortable sharing wants and needs, trusts a partner, and holds a positive view of self and others; Kegley says psychologists put about 50% of people here. Avoidant attachment (Dustin) is self-reliant with a positive self-view but a negative or distrustful view of others, keeps walls up, deflects emotional conversations with sarcasm or humor, and tends to have few close relationships; he puts this at about 25%. Anxious attachment (Liz) dislikes being alone, doubts whether a partner loves her, and experiences oscillating highs and lows, with a negative self-view, positive view of others, and self-talk like ‘he’ll leave me’; he puts this at about 20%, with fixer/saver or wounded dynamics. Fearful attachment combines negative views of self and others, high anxiety and high emotional avoidance, and self-talk like ’no one can love me,’ at about 5%. He organizes the styles by anxiety and emotional avoidance, and closes with advice he calls the best he received: stop looking for the right person and start becoming the right person, promoting his identity-focused coaching program.

Key takeaways

• Kegley stresses attachment labels are not permanent and that he is presenting a simplified overview, not expert or childhood-focused analysis.
• He describes secure attachment as comfortable expressing needs, trusting a partner, and holding positive views of both self and others.
• He describes avoidant attachment as self-reliant but distrustful of others, deflecting emotional conversations with humor or blame and having few close relationships.
• He describes anxious attachment as fearing being alone, doubting a partner’s love, and swinging between highs and lows, often in fixer or wounded dynamics.
• He describes fearful attachment as combining negative views of self and others with high anxiety and avoidance, and closes by advising viewers to focus on becoming the right person rather than only finding one.

Episode details: published February 25, 2021 · 13:22 long. Summary written by Self Growth Videos from the episode itself. Business results and any income figures mentioned are Clark Kegley’s own claims, shared for education — they are not typical or guaranteed.

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