How To Cut Toxic People Out of Your Life

About this video

Martell explains how to cut toxic people out without feeling like a bad person, prompted by coaching client Chris, who grew from about $60K a month to almost a million dollars a month and felt he no longer had much in common with old friends. First, understand the toxic people spectrum — from obvious ’negative Nancies’ to subtler energy vampires — and do a ‘friendventory’, curating even social media friends because you are responsible for the energy you allow in; friendships by school or birthplace default need not be lifetime. Second, love from a distance rather than blocking people: reduce commitments and time — for example 100 hours last year to 15 this year, yes to the Christmas party but not the barbecue — and quietly create space, since people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Third, get busy with others: find positive people through industry and business groups, nonprofits and boards, sports leagues and Facebook events, and host things like founder dinners. Fourth, shine your light: be a lighthouse, not a tugboat — an image he credits to Jesse Elder — living as an example and sharing publicly, but not preaching unsolicited advice one-to-one; help when people ask. He closes offering his Dream 100 training: 10 mentors, 30 advisors and 60 peers.

Key takeaways

• Do a friendventory across the toxicity spectrum and curate by design, not by default — including on social media
• Love from a distance instead of cutting people off: reduce time and commitments while staying available if they truly need you
• Accept that people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and do not force seasonal friendships to last
• Get busy with positive others through industry groups, nonprofits, sports leagues and hosted dinners so your calendar fills by design
• Shine your light like a lighthouse, not a tugboat: inspire by example and help when asked, rather than preaching unsolicited change

Episode details: published October 19, 2020 · 16:43 long. Summary written by Self Growth Videos from the episode itself. Business results and any income figures mentioned are Dan Martell’s own claims, shared for education — they are not typical or guaranteed.

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