How to Find & Be a Great Romantic Partner | Lori Gottlieb

About this video

Huberman speaks with psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb about finding and being a great romantic partner. Gottlieb explains that how we feel when we are with someone is the best guide to how suited they are for us, and that people often miss key signals, good and bad, by not paying attention to those feelings. She describes therapy as a human-to-human interchange rather than an expert pronouncing on a patient, listening to tone and physicality as well as content. Gottlieb argues that much behaviour is self-preservation to avoid pain, even when it creates more pain, which is why hurt people hurt people by keeping others out. She says therapy will not help people unwilling to self-reflect, and describes requiring each partner before couples therapy to name one thing they want to work on in themselves, rather than what they want changed in the other. Huberman explains the episode also covers communication, judging whether a partner’s critique is valid, and navigating texting and technology.

Key takeaways

• Gottlieb argues how you feel with someone is the best guide to how suited they are as a partner.
• Gottlieb describes much hurtful behaviour as self-preservation against pain.
• Gottlieb says therapy cannot help people unwilling to self-reflect.
• Gottlieb asks each partner in couples therapy to name one thing to work on in themselves first.

Episode details: published April 7, 2025 · 748K views · 3:22:59 long. Summary written by Self Growth Videos from the episode itself. The science and protocols described are Andrew Huberman’s, presented for education — not medical advice. Consult a qualified professional before changing your own health practices.

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