Positive Attributes About: My Life

Day 3: Listing the positive attributes about my life experience

Life is long and full of things wanted and not so much wanted. Here is a rant about me and It’s not all positive but has led me to this place where I am looking withing daily.

Early Life and Education

My life has been good and has taught me many things. I am 50 years old and have many talents and abilities. I have played many roles in my life. I attended a religious school which hurt me but focusing on the good it taught me many morals and values.

Religion was not for me and taught me to fear God. I am Spiritual now and find God is love, not judgment. The school taught me right and wrong in a very strict way which has created a line between what I should do and shouldn’t do.

After I left that Christian School, I went to public school for 3 years till graduation. I met my first love there and even though she broke my heart, I did love her fully.

A Relationship That Changed Everything

I almost got married and it would have led to divorce. We were young and being young I could not see what she wanted from me or from her life.

She was not faithful and that caused our breakup and ultimately left a child without a Father. To this day I don’t know if the baby she had is mine or someone else’s.

For all of that, I hope someday to know for sure but the pain of that experience leaves me paralyzed. I wonder what I would say to her. I feel so bad that all this was left alone. Her family threatened me and I ran away. I always believed what OI was told and that she was another baby.

When I see pictures of her I am devastated. I feel lost and I feel I was cheated out of a great thing, her. For all of this, I am still grateful for I may have been a horrible Father. perhaps it all would have led to a greater heartache. I have met many married couples that hate each other and the kids suffer for it.

Perhaps it all worked out for the best or maybe I just will never know. I trust in God to sort this out and perhaps we live thousands of versions of this life and in many we were complete.

I find it of great challenge to forgive Tiffany. I wish her well and at the same time hope she falls and breaks her ass. I pray for a day of clarity on this. I pray that Gabby finds herself and is strong and healthy. I hope she finds success and happiness and that my absence is not a brick in her world.

Building Skills Through Many Jobs

As a young man, I had many jobs. I would say I had well over 100. I have many skills today that I did not have then and it has become easy to just get by.

I have a background in home repair and plumbing and I am damn good at these things. I started my first business when I was 24 and have worked primarily for myself ever since.

There are good things and bad things about running your own show. I would say that bad is less than in that I don’t have a pension to fall back on. The good is the massive skills and determination that having to push through and complete projects to someone’s satisfaction has given to me. I am grateful for all the struggle. It has forged a spirit that won’t quit. I am strong and today I am in the best shape of my life. I believe in me more than most people believe in anything.

Trusting the Journey

My life has been hard but I feel that it has taught me to survive and I may not have made it through any other way. I trust the universe to know what is best and that may not always be true.

I have several businesses that I am building up these days. None really are booming but each has the potential to boom and provide so much more than a paycheck.

I live in Florida and it’s warm almost every day of the year. I have lived in a half dozen places like Pennsylvania, Colorado, Hawaii, and more. Each has had its own ups and downs but has shaped me somehow.

Transformation and Growth

I have been fat and skinny. Without opportunity and with. I have had faith, lost it, and then regained it in a more powerful way. I have truly come so far!

Like the story of the baby elephant who can’t break free of the rope, I am not that baby anymore. I easily break free of my bound and for all of this, I am grateful. I have spent many years alone and in it, I have found both madness and serenity. I have been lonely and somehow conquered that feeling while still being alone. I like myself and all that I have discovered, fallen prey to, or risen above.

Gratitude for This Moment

Today I am grateful for my struggle and someday I will rewrite this so it’s a lot more positive. For now, it is all I have to give and it has brought me here to this moment.

This moment has me in a nice house, with lots of extras. It’s not a mansion but it is nice and comfortable. I have extra rooms and a remodeled kitchen. I am comfortable here.